Happy EDD Angel Baby xo

I don't know how I feel about today. On one hand I am still so ecstatic to be pregnant with this precious perfect little girl and on the other, I am still mourning the loss of our first baby who had an estimated due date of June 8, 2011. It makes me sad to think that today I could be hugely waddling around...totally pissed off that the baby hadn't come out yet heehee. OR I could already have a 2 week old or a 1 week old...heck, even a 4 day old or something like that. June 8th seemed like such a LONG ways away...and here we are already.

It's odd how much you can miss something you only "had" for a very short time. But in that short time our sweet little baby made such a huge impact on our lives; it's hard to not miss or to forget something/someone who changes you forever. Life is not the same anymore, nor will it ever be. And what's frustrating, is that the only people who will ever understand this are those who have unfortunately gone through the same thing. It's something you can't fully explain and it's something that people who haven't experienced it just won't be able to grasp.

While my first pregnancy was obviously the happiest time of my life, it quickly became the saddest. I still wonder how much of a wreck I would be right now if we weren't blessed with this little girl. I thank God every day for a second chance. I know how incredibly fortunate we are and appreciate every day for what it is.

So today, I think of our little angel baby (as I often do). I imagine she (Michael thought the first one was a girl too) would be just beautiful, maybe a fussy eater, but a good sleeper like her mom and dad. She wouldn't be a small thing ;) and she'd totally be stylin' in all the cute clothes we would buy her <3 She may not be here with us now, but she will definitely be alive in the precious gift we will welcome into our lives in October. I'd like to think that our first baby girl was too smart for her own good and knew that this was the way things would have to be. I know it kinda doesn't make sense...but it makes my heart ache a little less :)

Little one,
Me and dad are thinking of you today, well, more than any other day I guess. We miss you very much and hope that you are doing awesome things with all the other babies in heaven. Thank you for the gift of your sister. She is perfect in every way and we can't wait to meet her. I wish we would could have met you and got to know you, but things don't always work out the way we want them or expect them to. We will never forget you, we love you very very much and will always be your proud parents <3